I'm in a relationship with a woman, and being a woman this immediately means I get tossed under the label of "lesbian" by most people. This is not actually the case, but since I'm neutral and passive I usually don't bother to correct the assumption. The point of that confession was to establish that I've had some exposure to the LGBTQ community in my city, and I've started to notice something that has gone from an interesting observation to a full blown revelation in my mind.
One thing I hear a lot from people that are active in the LGBTQ community is that they want to "break down the gender binary". Meaning that they want our understanding of what makes a person male or female to be changed to a system that is more inclusive to the people who simply don't fit into one of the two current categories. I respect this concept, I don't think anyone should be left out and I think everyone deserves a personal pronoun that actually defines them. Human beings as a species have a great deal of diversity and our language and social constructs don't always reflect this.
However, I've begun to notice that within the LGBTQ community there are gender binaries lurking below their "Binary-Free" exterior. For example, in both common identification and even in literature on lesbian sex and sexuality, there are two dominant categories of lesbians: Butch and Fem (there are lipstick lesbians too, but I've found this term less used in social situations so I'm not going to address it). This is a binary that defines everyone of the female sex that is attracted two women into another order of classification. Out of the kettle and into the fire is the first expression that comes to my mind. When I first noticed this my interest was piqued and I actually started paying attention to how this binary was constructed and maintained and what I saw was shocking.
There were occasions that I casually observed where a lesbian that was "butch" tried to dress up and wear more feminine clothes and got comments such as "That's too girly!" or "You don't look gay enough!". When I heard that one I actually stopped what I was doing and stared. How do you LOOK gay enough? Do you have to be sporting plaid or wearing clothes intended for someone of the opposite sex? The sheer hypocrisy of the whole concept boggles my mind. After all this talk of being against a social framework that labels and restricts people, the fact that a comment like that would even be THOUGHT of, much less given voice to, was startling.
I wish I could comment more on this with regards to gay or transgendered individuals, but I'm simply not well enough informed, although I have this sneaking suspicion that if close enough attention was paid, similar binaries would begin to emerge.
Perhaps it's a simple function of the human mind, our synapses in our brain and the muscles in our body work in binary, perhaps on some base level our thoughts do as well. I'm not a neuroscience major, but it certainly seems that human beings, no matter what they claim, will always need to have some sort of system of categorizing people, and a black and white one might just be the easiest.
I personally reject this whole mess, and even as I say that I'm sure it's hypocritical on some level, since I'm still human and still label people in and attempt to rationalize the data being presented to me. But now that I've made this observation I know I'll always be hyper-aware of it. I hope I've inspired at least one or two others to be as well! Cheers.
**DISCLAIMER**
This is by NO means meant to be an attack on any one person or even on a group of individuals. It is simply a general set of my personal observations, filtered through my own mental processes. If you take offence to anything I've written, please feel free to comment and tell my why - I love to learn and I'm more than happy to be corrected/informed. Keep it civil though. :)
